It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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