Are we in a gay sports bar?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
