Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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