He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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