wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
