A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize