at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
