escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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