Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
