if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
