I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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