Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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