Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize