somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
its not stalking. its research.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
