Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
