Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
