Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
