Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
