upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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