It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
