Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.

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(616): View more from Michigan

it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.

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(513): View more from Ohio

You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.

(513): View more from Ohio

and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.

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(847): View more from Illinois

My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?

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(810): View more from Michigan

I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.

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(831): View more from California

WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?

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