69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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