if you like me you must not know who I am
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
