i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Text me some of your sweat
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
