He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
