Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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