His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
