My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
