no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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