Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.

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(979): View more from Texas

I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.

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(425): View more from Washington

It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."

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(612): View more from Minnesota

he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...

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(914): View more from New York

Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.

(1-914): View more from New York

You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.

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(720): View more from Colorado

He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign

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