I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
