I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
