I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
These tits shall not be calmed
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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