New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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