just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
