who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
