I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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