I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
