it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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