I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
