i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We need to get me chipped asap
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize