We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Even my vagina gasped.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
