I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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