Got a toothbrush?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
