It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
