Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
