I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize