why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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