i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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