I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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