As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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