people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
