I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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