im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
