he thought i was a dude.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
