her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
