I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize