her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
