she was so not down for the gang bang
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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