Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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