At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
