Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We need a shit load of segways right now
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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