You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
