She's JV to your varsity
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
