i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
