Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
