I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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