Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
