last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
