Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
