Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
