Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize