thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
