Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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